trying to fathom
it’s not always suffer and pain ,
or at least that’s not what it has to be,
i’m beginning to mature,
but my mental feels apathy.
metaphorically,
living in a scrapyard ,
continuously feeling compressed,
i have a lot to say ,
and i really need to get it off my chest .
im trying to stray away from drugs ,
shyly introduced to hugs,
and time with loved ones
xtc
in bed with you
scars in my back ,
in replace of wings,
i finally completed the cutting ,
but who can be sure of such things ?
i owe myself an apology,
this must be tough on you ,
& the truth is ,
we’re falling into the past.
trying to heal with sex,
clubs every night
coke in her nose,
signing away her rights
unprotected sex,
sleeping in my car,
those same skin tights,
trunk filled with margiela,
black miu miu suits ,
like a pretty bank teller
ah .
a designer life right ?
its rlly fucked up,
but i had a good night ,
so lucky for us ,
i no longer want you to die,
but put a 45 in my sight ,
& i promise i’ll let that bitch cry
xtc
no energy to keep me alive,
i function off of minimal sleep,
so you can imagine how i feel inside,
tired and losing hope,
watching my mental health decline.
stuck in a unwanted position
when all i want to do is design,
a quiet, keep to himself kid,
nobody would know.
but the truth is,
i’m suffering to go,
leave it all behind,
tired of standing,
like a no good spine.
xtc
cup my hands to feed you,
no silver spoon for fingers,
so i’m confused as to why the bite lingers,
but i suppose it’s something only seen from my point of view,
i guess i’m expectant for an apology that’s long overdue,
xtc
healing trauma i never dealt with ,
why come back from the past ?
just to haunt me ?
i been in these situations before ,
evade from love ,
cus it was never experienced correctly,
i’m forgiving ,
so it’s not a shot at you directly ,
but the feeling of abandonment,
seems to dissect me ,
but i’m convinced,
i’m fine all alone,
i just need to be reminded ,
who sits with the king ?
if it’s just him in the throne ?
xtc